The Potter Puppet Pals Clean the Dorms!
by She Who Shall Go Nameless
Summary: Spoof on 'Potter Puppet Pals in The Mysterious Ticking Noise.' Funny, somewhat pointless. Be prepared to shake your head and say, What the ...


**So, this is written in SCRIPT format, at least, as best as I could without looking up script format. FYI: I own nothing that you recognize, and not even half of what you don't.**

**Note: CS is 'center stage.' SL is 'stage left' (from the actor's point of view). SR is 'stage right.'**

_The stage is set. Odd, somewhat annoying MUSIC in the background. Implied setting is BOYS' DORMS at HOGWARTS._

_Hand lettered SIGN enters center. Reads THE POTTER PUPPET PALS._

_Exit sign._

_Enter second, smaller SIGN TWO._

_Camera zooms in and the sign can be read. Reads IN… THE MYSTERIOUS TICKING NOISE._

_Exit sign two._

_Enter Snape CS._

_TICKING NOISE can be heard in the background._

SNAPE (30s): _(Looking around in a paranoid fashion) _What is that mysterious ticking noise? _(looks SR)_ Not over here… _(looks SL)_ not over there… _(CS again)_ kind of… catchy.

_Snape 'bops' along to the beat._

SNAPE: _(dancing, if it could be called that) _Socks, socks, darning my socks. Socks, socks, darning my socks.

_Dumbledore pops in for the briefest of moments to Snape's right._

DUMBLEDORE (old): Underwear!

_Exit Dumbledore._

SNAPE: Socks, socks, darning my socks.

_Enter Dumbledore._

DUMBLEDORE: Underwear!

_Exit Dumbledore. _

SNAPE: Socks, socks, darning my socks.

_Enter Dumbledore._

DUMBLEDORE: Underwear!

_Exit Dumbledore. Enter Ron FSR._

RON (teens): _(overlapping w/ Snape) _Big, bold, bad soup stains!

SNAPE: _(overlapping w/ Ron) _Socks, socks, darning my socks.

_Enter Dumbledore._

DUMBLEDORE: Underwear!

_Exit Dumbledore._

RON: _(overlapping w/ Snape) _Big, bold, bad soup stains!

SNAPE: _(overlapping w/ Ron) _Socks, socks, darning my socks.

_Enter Dumbledore._

DUMBLEDORE: Underwear!

_Exit Dumbledore. Enter Hermione SL._

HERMIONE (teens): _(overlapping w/ others) _It's grimy! _(slight pause) _It's grimy!

RON: _(overlapping w/ others) _Big, bold, bad soup stains!

SNAPE: _(overlapping w/ others) _Socks, socks, darning my socks.

_Enter Dumbledore._

DUMBLEDORE: Underwear!

_Exit Dumbledore._

HERMIONE: _(overlapping w/ others) _It's grimy, it's grimy, it's grimy.

RON: _(overlapping w/ others) _Big, bold, bad soup stains!

SNAPE: _(overlapping w/ others) _Socks, socks, darning my socks.

_Enter Dumbledore._

DUMBLEDORE: Underwear!

_Exit Dumbledore. Enter Harry Potter._

HARRY: _(overlapping w/ others) _Hairy Armpits. EW! Hairy Armpits. EW! Hairy Armpits. EW!

HERMIONE: _(overlapping w/ others) _It's grimy, it's grimy, it's grimy.

RON: _(overlapping w/ others)_ Big, bold, bad soup stains!

SNAPE: _(overlapping w/ others)_ Socks, socks, darning my socks.

_Enter Dumbledore._

DUMBLEDORE: Underwear!

_Exit Dumbledore._

HARRY: _(overlapping w/ others) _Hairy Armpits. EW! Hairy Armpits. EW! Hairy Armpits. EW!

HERMIONE: _(overlapping w/ others) _It's grimy, it's grimy, it's grimy.

RON: _(overlapping w/ others)_ Big, bold, bad soup stains!

SNAPE: _(overlapping w/ others)_ Socks, socks, darning my socks.

_Enter Dumbledore._

DUMBLEDORE: Underwear!

_Exit Dumbledore._

HARRY: That's me!

_CUT TO: Harry and Snape face each other CS. Their argument starts out heated and becomes violent._

HARRY: Hairy!

SNAPE: Socks!

HARRY: Hairy!

SNAPE: Socks!

HARRY: Hairy!

SNAPE: Socks!

HARRY: Hairy!

SNAPE: Socks!

_Enter Dumbledore (no longer wearing his robes A/N is anyone else confused by his nudity?) from between Harry and Snape. Dumbledore's entrance pushes Harry and Snape offstage._

DUMBLEDORE: UNDERWEAR!

_Enter Hermione SR._

HERMIONE: _(leaping towards SL behind Dumbledore) _Iiiiiit's Grimy!

_Original cadence resumes, but with Dumbledore permanently onstage._

HARRY: _(overlapping w/ others) _Hairy Armpits. EW! Hairy Armpits. EW! Hairy Armpits. EW!

HERMIONE: _(overlapping w/ others) _It's grimy, it's grimy, it's grimy.

RON: _(overlapping w/ others)_ Big, bold, bad soup stains!

DUMBLEDORE: _(overlapping w/ others) _Underwear!

SNAPE: _(overlapping w/ others)_ Socks, socks, darning my socks.

_REPEAT CADENCE 2x_

_All characters onstage (Harry, Hermione, Ron, Dumbledore, and Snape) begin to dance and sing in unison._

ALL (unison): Cleaning the dorms, all day long at HOOOOOOOOOOOG-WAAAAAAAAAARTS!

_CUT TO: Ron enters FSR with 'PIPE BOMB.' Dumbledore, Snape, Harry, and Hermione spread across stage._

RON: I've found the source of the ticking! It's a pipe bomb!

_Harry and Hermione CHEER. Snape and Dumbledore look at each other, panicked._

HARRY and HERMIONE: YAY!!!

_SFX: Bomb EXPLODING. Bright lights and mass confusion ensue. When the lights stop, feathers fall from the sky, and the TICKING has stopped._

_Enter Voldemort. SFX: evil LAUGHTER. Voldy taps wand on stage for a beat._

VOLDEMORT: Moldy shorts, moldy short, ooh, moldy, moldy, moldy, MOLDY SHORTS!

_Exit Voldemort. Enter SIGN THREE. Reads 'THE END.'_

**THE END!! Well, how did you like it? Questions, comments, anybody? Buhler?**


End file.
